Librarian of Alexandria

II: The Child Whose Shoelaces Are Comprised Of An Ever-So-Delicate Double Helix Of Green And Aquamarine Felt, or, The Legacy of Reuhrenwald

Once upon a time, in the quaint kingdom of Reuhrenwald, a king and queen gave birth to a prince.

And this would not have been so unusual--indeed, it is the fashion of the times that kings and queens give birth to princes--but the prince in question was born fully grown, seventeen feet tall, with the least pleasant unibrow any of the subjects had ever seen. Physicians were summoned from all over the kingdom to examine him.

"Why, it's like nothing I've ever seen," one said. "I've heard of babies born seventeen feet tall, and babies born fully grown, but the unibrow is really a new thing altogether."

And it was really only a matter of time, what with his stature and unsightliness, that he took up gardening, and spent his free time doing the pruning at the tops of trees that nobody else had bothered to do. He became good friends with the birds who lived at the tops of the trees, calling them by their first names--usually Benvolio, because birds often name their children Benvolio, regardless of gender, for reasons that none of them quite remember, though they assure you it has something to do with eggs or some bird-related thing, which is not as obvious as it might sound at first--and generally being merry.

One day, he looked beyond the forests of Reuhrenwald and noticed that the kingdom was gone. Half of it was destroyed in the Great Fire of the Shoemaker's Estate, and the other half moved away because the town wasn't like it once was without the Shoemaker's Estate. The prince shrugged and went on with his pruning.

He also probably turned into a tree or some shit, because that's what usually happens in stories that start with "Once upon a time." You can honestly believe whatever you want about the prince. See if I care.