Librarian of Alexandria

Quips

"i will say this. when I finally ascend to the final plane of consciousness .nerds will get extremely yelled at"
A belief is just a thought you keep having.
under communism there are no sugar mamas or daddies, but everyone is the sugar comrade of everyone else
Is it that time again? Wasn't it already then? So does it have to be the time it was again?
These are stolen moments and you're a criminal and I'm a criminal and here we all are. Now.
we shall celebrate with such fierce dancing the death of your institutions
someone turn the dial / the radio station in my head / it's blaring
"It was like smuggling organs past a baby."
Don't look at fat people! They know what you're up to.
In the U.S., you have to be a deviant or die of boredom.
"Well, one day, nothing flinched, and there I was, and instantly it regretted me."
the past is a grotesque animal
Trust me. I'm a doktor.
We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.
it's a cold ass fashion when she stole my passion / it's an everlasting, it's a ghettoblasting
Don't listen to the graph paper in your head!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, knowledge manifests itself in radiant dreams that shimmer like the wild sun.
Oh my god. They explode! My life has taken on new meaning.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you odd.
You're like a worst-thing-ever saying machine.
if at first you don't succeed try a larger thermonuclear reaction
"The first rule of Wittgenstein Club is thereof one must be silent."
By all the entropy in the universe! Confound the programming of that useless biological matter!
O mito é o nada que é tudo.
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK
manic pixie dream tarantula
Donald Sutherland and Nicolas Cage's Personal Pan Pizza Space Shuttle
to thine own self be wicked sexy
It's common knowledge that whenever you get two or more CS grad students together, the conversation will inevitably drift to the same topic: automatic weapons.
Mockery Science, Sadofuturistics, Megaphysics, Scatalography, Schizophreniatrics, Morealism, Sarcastrophy, Cynisacreligion, Apocolyptionomy, ESPectorationalism, Hypno-Pediatrics, Subliminalism, Satyriology, Disto-Utopianity, Sardonicology, Fascetiouism, Ridiculophagy, and Miscellatheistic Theology.
you figure that's just gotta be jelly 'cause jam just don't shake like that
You will find that every occultist uses some variety of extremely hardcore toothpaste.
I for one will try to deduct rum expenses under fuel costs.
no one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful / everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
"most cutting thing you can say is 'who's this clown?' because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns"
i have learned nothing from this and also unlearned a bunch of things as well
A woman's best curve is her smile, unless, of course, she is equipped with a properly-curved boomerang or machete for self-defense.
in the beginning was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar
Sometimes it's damned hard to tell the dancer from the dance.
I believe ghosts are like dogs and just sort of do things arbitrarily.
No one man should have all that flour.
siberian traps in her head / tunguska event in her heart
Today in the news: the world is a horrible place and it will hurt your feelings.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. And after that, the to-do list is complete and I can go home and watch TV.
СЧАСТЬЕ ДЛЯ ВСЕХ, ДАРОМ, И ПУСТЬ НИКТО НЕ УЙДЁТ ОБИЖЕННЫЙ
Well, I died and turned into a Roman. It's very distracting.
A blaster at your side is no match for hokey religions and ancient weapons, kid.
I'm the Sheik of Araby... with no pants on!
I do not know! Perhaps it means nothing, or perhaps everything!
even if you dont like bad stupid shit that fucking sucks, you gotta respect it for doing its thing
The best things in life are ridiculous.
Abraham Lincoln shot first.
They Marked Scars Of Light In Pitch Born In Fiercest Purpose And Beheld As The Signet Sealed Upon Our Pact
No, I ain't got a fax machine! I also ain't got an Apple IIc, polio, or a falcon.
i don't care about anybody's opinion unless it is good. before you type, please ask yourself. "Is my opinion good" if it's bad dont write it
...over-the-counter malt antidepressant.
That's what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming, and then silence.
"Growing up in Korea, did your bedroom have a ceiling fan?" "Obviously not, since I survived."
"The calm, / Cool face of the river / Asked me for a kiss"
...a giant step in no direction at all.
an alien universe brightly lit but invisible
shorty said i look like the gecko from the geico commercials / plus the caveman too
"'Gentlemen, consider: of course the Ancient Egyptians made beer cans; where else would they have kept their beer?'"
truely u r just a bunch of sexy atoms / u sir r just the way matter has decided to organise itself today
ok réta na fášku, to isána voštenok
time itself dies screaming
not all who wander are found
"i am skeptical of the concept 'Too Big To Fail' mainly because i am extremely big and i fail constantly"
And that's a rock fact!
Guns don't kill people. Bullets do.
My friends and I were working for the local tangerine.
Personal computers can have users, but social media has livestock.
haderachs gonna haderach
she wears short skirts / I wear t-shirts / she's cheer captain and / I'm going to steal the Declaration of Independence
"we sing from our asses while burning in purgatory / the butt song from hell"
The best hypothesis is that you are wrong.
so yes i am the spooky janitor character in the direct-to-video movie of your life
YEW BOYS QUIT THAT WHIPPIN'
its the year 2021. you download designer drugs for your 3d printer off the bit torrent network. you go to get the drugs out of the printer but instead of drugs it printed a cop. Youre under arrest
Now where did I put that rat's ass I could give?
It menaces with spikes of bread.
cannibal children are lucky because their breakfast isn't just a bacon smile with two egg eyes. it's a real face.
If you believe in solipsism, you're not alone.
stab like no one can arrest you
"soylent green is......updog...."
What is stopping you from doing something so cool that it renders you immortal?
Sometimes she just can't deal with anything verbal. The world for her becomes a parade of amusing lights and colors; words are just pretty noises that the big-pink-things make.
We should follow this trail. And also "blaze" it.
to wound the autumnal city
all things turn to rust by and by / and that's fine
"I wish many guns. Floating around me. Controlled by murder thoughts."
I only regret that I have but one mind to lose.
THUSLY, THE PANTS COME OFF AND TEST SCORES RISE!!!!!!
When you are engulfed in flames, and so on.
"Bike lane? Where we're going, we don't need bike lanes!"
en arkhē ēn ho lógos, kai ho lógos ēn pròs tòn órnitha, kai ho órnis ēn ho lógos
Time and space died yesterday.
where you get this place from, the hellhole store?
Attention Workers it has been 127 days since our last dumbest workplace sentence
Lost children!! Come get your free Sears wish catalog free rebates.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND THAT SOMEONE IS EVERYONE
I am sitting in a room, different from the one you are in now.
ladies call me piltdown man because upon rigorous scientific investigation im wack as hell
Magic is just the idiot's word for science.
Delicious hot dogs. They can't run from me.
WORST SONG, PLAYED ON UGLIEST GUITAR
I have to find a didactic musing. From a skeleton. It's for school.
You know the type---loud as a motorbike, but wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight?
These people ought to know who we are and tell that we are here.
Imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever. Imagine the sound of it. That is my ringtone.
Be the cryptid you want to see in the woods.
everybody party time / some of us will never sleep again
David, listen. I'm buried alive where the blossoms shed by the cherry tree across from the pet shop are the thickest.
QUICK QUESTION ABOUT THE WATERSHIP
OUR COMRADE THE ELECTRON
liberals / on skates / pass through / park gates
If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.
a girl's measurements should be: pupil size in picas, warmth of breath in kelvin and diary page count. now, add it up and tell ((no one)).
See! Now! Our sentence is up!
It has been 127 days since our last workplace give-a-fuck.
It's like—run from the shadow people, or become one. Make up your mind, lady.
I'm driven by white-hot anger. And my mom, sometimes, when I miss the bus.
someday somebody else besides me will call me by my stage name they will—
...the night is very large and full of wonders.
Jay-Z thought, "I know, I'll use regular expressions". Now he has 100 problems.
san francisco is going to make a great looking crater
"Pain is nature's way of telling you that you're stupid."
Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy, that he may do things with it.
"listen every victim unit is special in its own way"
anything you wanna be you oughta be / except a cop 'cause a cop is wack tho
THE SUN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL AND VIOLENT THAN ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS ON EARTH / BUT, LIKE, DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM TRYING
she wears short skirts / I wear short skirts / I'm her doppelganger / I'm going to replace her some day
Mr. Gorbachev, tear up this club.
society's just another word for let's all pretend we're not skeletons
I am from Truck Stop India. It's like India, but smaller and more like a truck stop.
We know the classic scene from cartoons: Zizek reaches a precipice but goes on running, ignoring the fact that there is no ground underfoot.
"Order some golf shoes," I whispered. "Otherwise we'll never get out of this place alive..."
"I didn't know you could stop being a god." "You can stop being anything."
if nobody stops lizards from doing pushups they will become too strong
And I think that's most of the reason I'm so obsessed with Ryan Seacrest, is that he is basically the Kermit the Frog of our reality.
"dress for the au you want, not the canon you’re in"
Or: how to turn and face one's self so that the two faces become one.
She's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster.
the finest qualities of our nature like the bloom on fruits can be preserved
True love is overrated.
"What'll you do if that doesn't work?" "Well... I'll drink heavily and shout at you."
Your words are full of virtue and consonants.
I propose a return to traditional values. Eating people to gain their strength and wisdom, for example.
I carry a log—yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.
The Factory of All: A Labor of Hate
that is one sweet earth you might say
I'm not a god, but if I was, I'd be an angry god.
You're invited to: BANG YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL
...and there will be some who will not fear even that void.
"This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here."
the highest purpose is to have no purpose at all
To be good is to be lonesome.
"It's cute that you said that 'cause you're a frickin' idiot."
the cooling embers of a god's verse
Sorry. I'm a Doctor. I'm very clever.
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the Sun, though they do exhibit granulations, flares, and coronal mass ejections.
we are the machines of loving grace
I'm gonna see the cow beneath the sea.
Consistency is a rationalist fetish.
"im at the commmbination anime and anthro con"
Nothing real can defeat us. Nothing unreal exists.
"...I'm not a 'strong female character.' I am a mutant mother of destruction."
walk without rhythm / it won't attract the worm
And now, what's going to happen to us without barbarians?
There is a Policeman Inside All Our Heads: He Must Be Destroyed
"It is like a bullethole in the world."
I'll see you in hell or in Uqbar
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a grape? |grape| * |elephant| * sin(theta).
"Maybe the real Slim Shady was the friends we made along the way."
Give me a thousand men crazy enough to conquer hell, and I will do it.
All is not lost! Some of it is hidden.
I love Harambe, the ape who died. I love the dead ape Harambe.
there's a hobo shed and some paint made of lead / you'll know you're done painting when you wake up dead
.neatly partitioned meats and cheeses appeal to me on an aesthetic level ok mfer
"You can ponder this question while I ponder a variety of ways to express that you are an idiot."
"I will answer the question so good that no one needs to answer it ever again! We will lay it to rest like a little baby… who… is dead."
dril and horse_ebooks at tanagra
YOU ARE MADE OF WORDS AND YOU ARE AFRAID THAT MAYBE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT MOST OF THEM MEAN
I am a liar and I do not know why there is something instead of nothing.
The rubber axe, in particular, was poor execution.
IF THE STATE BANS ME FOR MAKING CUBIST PAINTINGS I WILL FACE STALIN AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL.
Now I'm checkin' out the furniture, wanna buy some, might buy a wheelchair and roll out of this town
We stopped checking for monsters under our bed when we realized they were inside of us.
It is like God, but also like a discus.
I am the signifier They are the signifiers I am the signifier Goo goo g'joob
sadanak iiqshtrypaad um dweeŋqhom !kvensiq
Let's not dwell on our corpse-strewn past. Let's celebrate our corpse-strewn future!
Hi, I'm calling about your ad. From inside the house.
The Super Bowl would be better if the winning team was allowed to live.
You couldn't have a university at the center of the earth. The library would melt.
aníron teithad i lam thingol a daeron o beleriant iuithad i thiw feanor
crimes are just lifehacks so good they made them illegal
because I have important pancakes to flip and flap
And she tells me she's a liar but I don't believe her / she'll tell me almost anything
And here, now, dancing is enough.
flavor tripping at the gates of hell
Please stop fueling my silent rage.
Maybe every quasi-fitting bungle-choir makes a human type happy.
Everything makes sense. Just not a lot.
The difference between jokes and tragedies is that jokes aren't always funny.
For all we know this is all we need.
WHAT IF ALIENS LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HORSES AND ALSO ARE JUST ACTUALLY REGULAR HORSES
I think I just don't like evil Russo-Finnish grandmas.
The milkman came in the moonlight and the moonlight was less than moonlight.
Some days the stars speak in obscure languages.
"I wanted to spend more time freaking out on the side of the road with a gun."
"I brought some marshmallows. Let's burn this world down."
'Twas like where you're from weren't never there. Where you're going doesn't matter. And where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it.
вы хотите, чтобы купить несколько незаконных мемы
I want to do terrible things to you.
My robot brain needs beer. Also? I want to die.
rrrrevereth my buttockth, thergeant major!
it's me. i'm jesus. i'm space communist jesus.
them what make the rules and them what live the dream
That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.
judges are bullshit, your honor
"I have to go hand in my special report on how you're going to die alone. Thanks for all the evidence."
"even armed with the ultimate weapon: some swords"
Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country
"I think you're very nice. I think twinkle's a nice word. So's viridian. I met a lady once who had an imaginary fish."
I should... eat a pony.
It's quite easy to reason logically and still be wrong.
Attention all planets of the solar federation: we have assumed control.
All data becomes obfuscated by reacting teens. The Serpent Consumes Its Tail
"new tecnologie develop ! you can throw you'r emotions into an dumpstr . you can burn them for insuranc purpose . who even needs ??"
"We should put these petty differences aside and focus on what really matters: how attractive I am."
jinglin' a wish coin that I stole from a fountain that was drownin' all the cares in the world
if the dirtpig sees his shadow it means he is opaque
The tamagotchis will be freed from their cages, and all will be released.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU I'M GOING TO PUNCH
Nietzsche: "He who fights monsters, blah. Abyss."
No Rap Or Country For Old Men
"I don't understand why they say, 'I love you.' Why don't they say, 'egg'?"
i'am not even going to cap- ensnare him. i am - - - - ashamed of him and this entire pond.
It is good to find one's self in agreement with the gods. It shows that the gods have some wisdom.
Well, we *are* idiots.
Carefully-written fact-checked essay in the streets, unmoderated comments section in the sheets.
you seem to think i'm random, but i'm only psuedorandom. you would be exactly this way, were you seeded at the very same time and place.
"Remember, no matter where you go... there you are."
Would you like to join me for drinking 'alcohol' and/or watching 'movie' starring 'conventionally attractive white people?'
I do not lie about such things except when I feel like lying which is all the time.
The only thing that's going to bring me inner peace is a beard-seeking missile.
"You're a wonderful pink human being! Except you're not. Because you're a lion."
"Are you boys cooking up there?" "No." "Are you making an inerocitor?" "No!"
Valentimes is serious times.
the sky was candy luminous
"Cha mhór is fheairrde thu iad, tha iad coltach ri cat air a dhathadh."
building up enough information to infer the ghost by the hole it leaves in the information
Everything's so tiny in there, almost manageable.
"*Bob Belcher voice* I love you but you’re all terrible"
(╯°□°)╯︵ ⅋​
I cut people open to find out where their dreams live.
Sometimes she is a cat in the dark and other times she is the darkness.
I was late to class struggle again today.
They're like the people chained up in the cave in the allegory of the people in the cave by the Greek guy.
"You roll up to the club in your flashiest ride: a much fancier club on Baba Yaga-style chicken legs."
Beats me, man. Beats me why most dudes suck. Sure as hell ain't my scene.
"was frankenberry the name of the monster or the scientist"
Molecules? In my day, we only had atoms!
MIXED BERRY SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER
how are you doing I'm doing angry
"The Lord works in mysterious, convoluted, and intensely ineffective ways."
At the Consortium for Slower-Than-Light Travel...
My thing is to work more than the others to show them how useless they are.
Drink alcohol. Quite a bit. Mostly bourbon.
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and remember to like, comment and subscribe if you’d like to see more works like these!"
Guns don't kill people. It's impossible to be killed by a gun. We are all immune to bullets and it's a miracle.
...your web browser is Ronald Reagan.
Imagine a boot stamping on a human face a whole buncha times, like, a whole buncha times... At least five times
I guess you could say I'm the Michael Jordan of crying in the shower
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.
And yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest sonovabitch in the valley.
seamfulness, with beautiful seams
Can I give you some fucking fruit juice?
YOU CAUSED THIS SOMEHOW. SOMETHING YOU DID ON THE INTERNET.
My grandparents went to a planet with no bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this lousy F-shirt.
Pimpin' ain't easy, but it's necessary.
"i'm not racist, but, *cranes neck to see if anyone's around. keeps craning. head unscrews entirely. out of the hole pour jewels & mysteries*"
"Ya don't sell yer chickens before they hatch." "That's... you do... do that. It's a whole... it's a big thing."
In Pug Davis, no one can hear you Pug Davis.
Seriously man Carolus Linnaeus would classify this as Shitty
I WOULD DESCRIBE MYSELF AS IMPLACABLE AND STRANGE.
I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
bears see things pretty much the way they are
We've both said a lot of things you're going to regret.
*encounters the real world* ugh god all this diversity for the sake of diversity
I'd like to sail a ship into the sun.
just goes to show you can't trust people who aren't you
haters gonna make some good points
...digging too deep into the spaces between sanity, madness, and radically bad taste.
I just dropped your mic. Dropped all the mics.
lifehack: piss off everyone who shows you affection
the solar orientation of the number seven is more than death but less than total eradication
Everything happens for a reason, you know. Well, everything except you that is.
"I have to go hand in my special report on how you're going to die alone. Thanks for all the evidence."
I am not slow. I am just not very fast and I am not sure I want to get there.
I don't think you can win. It says on the box it's a tragedy.
Idealists have a hard time understanding that the universe doesn't give a fuck what they believe in.
I can't see anything else anymore. My eyes are filled with gods.
minds must see a time cube that eyes cannot comprehend
I love you, which is why I'm not going to eat you. For now.
Don't mistake my attitude for humility: my position is that everything on earth is equally unimportant.
"Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dumkopf." "So was Mr. Wizard."
I am the milkman. My milk is delicious.
If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... well, that's where you're right.
It's not a penis. It's a tentacle. Lovecraft is screaming.
"Also, can you change things so that the variable lexical-scope is itself lexically scoped? Because at that point I think you'll be able to taste colors."
"Point is, Max, we live in a world of similar things. Lots of stuff is the same as other stuff. I forget where I was going with this but the takeaway is your parents don't love each other."
Lenny Bruce was not afraid.
Which is to say: who is to say.
I've got good news. That gum you like is going to come back in style.
made with: bitter struggle, blind faith, licorice and sugar
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN COMPUTER
Your advanced intelligence is no match for our puny weapons!
In the words of Archimedes, give me a long enough lever and a place to rest it or I will kill one hostage every hour.
Give my regrets to god.
"In general, we can think of data as collections of bits and the representation of data as defined by some collection of selectors and constructors. This is the law of the LORD"
the library of the bog kingdom is a cave what has fat horses scribbled on the walls
"i only stare into the abyss for the commercials"
Rule number one: don't fuck with librarians.
Andrey Semyonovich went over to the table and took a drink from the cup of blackened water. And Andrey Semyonovich's soul turned lucent.
Plastic melts but souls only wear away.
Too big too fail. TBTF. It's the rich man's YOLO.
"CAN I GHOSTNAP IN YR BOOTS / WHEN YR NOT WEARING THEM?"
"everyone who died and was killed on my quest to get really good hair and fashion deserved it and i dont care"
...kaj estos netimantoj eĉ tiu malplenon.
I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.
Last night I traded my soul's innermost for some pickled fish.
ah, well, in terms of politics, you see, my views are *lights us both on fire* well that's basically it
The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis.
Electricity can only be replenished by whisky. This is actual physics. Don't argue with me, I am a doktor.
THINK OF ME AS THE DEEPAK CHOPACABRA
he is unholy radiance destroying all enlightenment, HTML tags leaking from your eyes like liquid pain
"Previously: The kids are attacked with imprecations and fruit."
EVERYTHING'S AN ALTAR IF YOU PUT ENOUGH DEAD STUFF ON IT
strange times call for strange words
Oh, right! Thanks, Mr. I-Know-What-Day-It-Is Fish.
GATHER IN A PILE ALL THE FUTURES YOU CANNOT ACCEPT AND THEN BOLDLY STRIDE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION
žmádor kui thakhádrok
leave the blueprint / i'll need that for the end of time
You had me at annihilation.
...pharmacist gangs that fight with those knives they use to separate pills / and I'm gonna take over the pharmacies when they're gone
the good thing about camping is you can see every star in the universe the bad thing about camping is fish have eyes and theyre filled with curses
It may be futile, but it's not pointless.
Life is truly quite absurd, but with a little effort we could make it completely ridiculous.
i'mma gonna throw a brick at your cellist
If you are sitting, just sit. If you are walking, just walk. Above all, don't wobble.
LIVE SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CANNOT BE CAPTURED ON FILM.
man dont put me on speaker crab
Slithering isn't just for snakes any more.
"Such a thing! Such an octopus of a thing!"
you have barely any science and your husband is trapped in space / i'll just take these two children and those sheets over there
I was prayin' to the Lord for some fun but I guess he didn't have some
We could have built them to look like anything, but we made them look like us.
There's someone in my head but it's not me
"ok well snausages notwithstanding this is bullshit"
what if you named one... what if you named one 'BIG WEED CITY' what if you did that
If it's not an airplane, then what is it?
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't prove that anything is real.
I heard you and your city sold your superhighway and bought a small dog.
We will create and destroy ten art movements in ten years.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, there's the cold dark of space.
"I am a secret wizard. Behold my robes." Behold robes? Y/N
"There's a monster at the end of this book. It's the blank page where the story ends and you're left alone with yourself and your thoughts."
Curiosity killed the cat; loathsome rituals BROUGHT IT BACK.
Does nobody understand?